The Face of a Coward!

 Look at the picture in the profile spot. That is the face of a coward! And before you read any further, I swear that is my photo. I am, I am a coward.
 I am a lonely person. Oh, I pretend to be happy, and I am. Well I mean, I'm not depressed. That is better, I am not depressed. But still I pretend to be happy. I love my job, my games are fun, my friends and family are... well the ones I like are awesome if not a little insane. I have people who love and care for me but I still feel like I am missing something.
 I have my best friend, he gave up dating for awhile. But before that he was never really alone long. He always could get a girl who liked him, lucky bastard. Then he took a break for like a year, then he went back out there and like bam! He has a new girlfriend.
 My other best friend, well she is different. Oh no, she can get men ok. And their good guys too, mostly. But she is different. Although her and I never dated, I did fall for her. Never told her, never will. I am sure she knows, but I still can't tell her. And instead I feel into the friend circle with her, almost like a brother to her, I hope. But fall for her I did, I still have feelings for her, but she is happy with who she is with and that's enough for me. But she did become the standard, the girl all others are measured by.
 I have another friend too. Well I have lots of friends, but that not the point. He is gay, and I accidentally set him up with another of my friends. I hate setting people up cause when it ends bad I get blamed for it. Anyway they have been together for over a year now. They are happy and I am happy for them. But still I envy them too.
 Another of my friends is dealing with a bad break up. He is having a hard time moving on. I have been trying to help him through it, with little progress. He will move on, when he is ready, but I see how hurt he is, how he tries to mask his pain to others and I feel jealous that I never even felt that way when my one relationship ended.
 I don't go out much. To places to meet people I mean. And when I have, I shrink away into the corner and become quiet. I become a minnow in a pond praying I don't get noticed and eaten whole, which for a guy my size would take a while and be painful. How is it I can both fear and long for rejection?
 So I decided to try an online dating site! Ah the answer! Machines helping people like me meet others like me. And after ten minutes on the site, I had found some one I could like. Some one I wouldn't mind going out with and spending time and money on. Some one I could see me spending a lot of time with. She was online too, the site was going to allow me to talk with her right there, 'Hi how are you? I am Stephen Zaky, my friends just call me Zaky!' I closed out of the site without typing  a word. See coward!
 What is wrong with me??? Why am I like this? Am I only here to watch other be happy and help them stay that way? Do I run because I know there is something wrong with me and I just save them the trouble of finding out and running for the hills? Why am I asking questions when I know no one reads this?!?!?!?