The Face of a Coward!

 Look at the picture in the profile spot. That is the face of a coward! And before you read any further, I swear that is my photo. I am, I am a coward.
 I am a lonely person. Oh, I pretend to be happy, and I am. Well I mean, I'm not depressed. That is better, I am not depressed. But still I pretend to be happy. I love my job, my games are fun, my friends and family are... well the ones I like are awesome if not a little insane. I have people who love and care for me but I still feel like I am missing something.
 I have my best friend, he gave up dating for awhile. But before that he was never really alone long. He always could get a girl who liked him, lucky bastard. Then he took a break for like a year, then he went back out there and like bam! He has a new girlfriend.
 My other best friend, well she is different. Oh no, she can get men ok. And their good guys too, mostly. But she is different. Although her and I never dated, I did fall for her. Never told her, never will. I am sure she knows, but I still can't tell her. And instead I feel into the friend circle with her, almost like a brother to her, I hope. But fall for her I did, I still have feelings for her, but she is happy with who she is with and that's enough for me. But she did become the standard, the girl all others are measured by.
 I have another friend too. Well I have lots of friends, but that not the point. He is gay, and I accidentally set him up with another of my friends. I hate setting people up cause when it ends bad I get blamed for it. Anyway they have been together for over a year now. They are happy and I am happy for them. But still I envy them too.
 Another of my friends is dealing with a bad break up. He is having a hard time moving on. I have been trying to help him through it, with little progress. He will move on, when he is ready, but I see how hurt he is, how he tries to mask his pain to others and I feel jealous that I never even felt that way when my one relationship ended.
 I don't go out much. To places to meet people I mean. And when I have, I shrink away into the corner and become quiet. I become a minnow in a pond praying I don't get noticed and eaten whole, which for a guy my size would take a while and be painful. How is it I can both fear and long for rejection?
 So I decided to try an online dating site! Ah the answer! Machines helping people like me meet others like me. And after ten minutes on the site, I had found some one I could like. Some one I wouldn't mind going out with and spending time and money on. Some one I could see me spending a lot of time with. She was online too, the site was going to allow me to talk with her right there, 'Hi how are you? I am Stephen Zaky, my friends just call me Zaky!' I closed out of the site without typing  a word. See coward!
 What is wrong with me??? Why am I like this? Am I only here to watch other be happy and help them stay that way? Do I run because I know there is something wrong with me and I just save them the trouble of finding out and running for the hills? Why am I asking questions when I know no one reads this?!?!?!?    

Customer Stories 8

So this guy and his girlfriend come in to buy from me.... well sorta. They came in to price check, but that's not the point... well actually it matters. Let me start again!
So this guy and his girlfriend came into the store to price check our products and compare against our competitors. That is common so I did what I always do, welcomed them and tried to sell to them. Its what I'm supposed to do.
Anyway the guy started the conversation with, "Yeah we're just looking. She wants me to get a new mattress. She says I need a new one cause of the divot in the middle of the mattress from where I sleep makes it uncomfortable for her. I don't know why, my I love my mattress."
"I won't sleep in it with him," she spoke out.
"Well there you go... The goal is for her to sleep with you, you need a new mattress." I thought this was going to be easy with that statement. I was wrong.
"But I've had my mattress for 19 years and it was handed down to me. I think its very comfortable!"
I pause, stunned at the age of his mattress. The most I have ever heard was 12 years, recommended time to get a new mattress is 10 years FYI. I honestly never heard someone holding on to a mattress that long.
"Dude, your like nine years over due for a new mattress!"
"That's what I told him."
My cell phone beeps a Zelda tone to let me know there is a text or Email waiting.
"I LOVE ZELDA!" he shouts.
"Cool me too, now are you looking for something firm or something soft to sleep on and what size?"
"What's your favorite Zelda game? I love Majora's Mask."
"Didn't care for Majora's, I liked A Link to the Past. Pillow top or no?"
"Why didn't you like Majora's Mask?"
"Honey he isn't here to talk video games, he wants to show you his mattresses."
"But didn't even want to come?"
This went on for over an hour. I would show him one mattress and then he would get distracted by something and want to talk about that for ten minutes. His girlfriend, who drove, was ready to leave him with me, I pleaded with her not to. After that hour another customer walked in. The girlfriend took this opportunity to grab the guy and leave.
Made me put up with his stupid conversations, and the Zelda one for over an hour. The girlfriend wants him, but not his mattress. And was all around annoying, and didn't buy a thing. All that and didn't buy a thing... well.
He came back the next day, without her. "She said I needed to buy a mattress today, and that if I didn't buy from you she would leave me. Something about me aggravating you for over an hour yesterday and not getting anything."
"Oh you didn't aggravate me..." I told him.
He ended up buying from me. I guess he liked her more than his 19 year old divot. I would have choose her too.
Well until next time not really reading this readers.....

Update and stuff!

    So I have a new job! I love it. Well its not new, I have been here sense November, but still. I work for Discount Mattress, as a 'everything' guy, technical title being Assistant Manager but I don't like titles as they can cloud judgement and interaction.
    Working here has been a great experience so far and I believe will only get better. It has draw backs, don't get me wrong, but the good far out weighs the bad. The bad being lifting a heavy mattress once in awhile and that is a great trade off for more money, and better environment then my last job. So all and all a mostly happier me.
    I also write this on my new laptop, something I couldn't afford at my last place of employment. For those of you who know where that was ok, for those that don't I am sorry but they are petty and corrupt and I wish to give them no reason to come after me so they remain nameless here. Though I don't recommend going to them, they have no idea how to talk to people.
    Anyway, this isn't about them. Its about me and my better life. In addition to the laptop I am also saving money for a car. Now I know I have been saying that for along time now, but this time its true. There is money being piled into an account for a car. Not a lot mind you, but a start. So now I only have to get over my fear of driving.
     What else? What else? Oh, I have a good friend from out of town coming to visit, so there should be story updates there. Go awesomeness there. I am a little worried at his coming though. He was part of an older circle of friends that fell apart, although I am still friends with him, I don't want to see the rest of them and knowing him he will try to get us all to hang out again.
     I am running a game again. Table top.... DC Comics based. Its fun and been going on for a few months now. So that's cool. But like all games I run, I wish I could play. I would let slip some plot, but I don't want there to be a place for them to find it so sorry. Yes I know no one reads this but still, just in case.
      Other than that nothing new. So until next time. Keep reading.