A Sunset to Smile At

This is a very short story I wrote May 8th 2001. I actually wrote it after doing what it describes. I hope you like it.


As he left his house, he thought it was sad to see the perfect day end. It had been one of those early spring days where you could wear shorts and short sleeves, but cool enough that you didn't fry. The sun was bright and only a few puffy clouds were in the baby blue sky.
He was heading out to the school for a walk with his dog. The temperature had dropped a few degrees, it was now cool and the sky was turning navy blue. He looked out at the orange white sun falling from the sky. And as he looked, he sat at the steps of the school's main doors.
He watched the sun settle and paint the sky. The passing planes left clouds that looked only perfect. The orangey sphere was half way down behind the tress and the sky had blues, purples, pinks, oranges, reds, and yellows that made the best picture you could ever see. The sun was invisible to the eye now, but as an artist it left the perfect paintings. He then could only think that it wasn't the end of a perfect day, but the beginning of a new one. It was a... it was a sunset to smile at.
Finally he got up and walked home with his dog. He smiled the whole way there, the scene still in his head. As he walked into the house, only two things crossed his mind, a sunset was a beautiful thing to see. The second was a wonder if the sunrise was just as wonderful. But still he thought, it was a sunset to smile at.

A Brief Glimpse.....

I am lonely person. I go home every night and am alone! It is how I am, can I change this? I am told I can, but I don't see how. I mean I know what to do, dating sites, bars, clubs, mixers, etc. Talking helps, I am good at talking! People love, so I am told, but only ever as a friend. And because of friends I used to have I now strongly believe that I am not actually good enough to ever not be alone.
This feeling goes deep. It has to for me to know it to be wrong and yet still feel powerless to change it. Why do I feel so powerless, well when the people you were supposed to be able to trust says your not good enough, there must truth to right? I am not friends with them anymore, well mostly there is still one but contact with him is minimal at best. But the damage is done, the scar is there. No matter how many times I am told I am loved or how awesome I am I feel alone. Unable to change that.
This has brought with it a slew of other problems, most noticeably a constant feeling of sadness, misplaced anger, and a want to just be alone. Not just for a day, but to walk away from friends and sad with being a burden on them. I know, I know feel alone so force away those that are there doesn't make sense. But then again so does knowing something yet feeling the opposite!
I go out with my friends, listen to their problems, help them as best I can. But then I remember, most of them have someone else too. I go out with my closest friends, who are also a couple, and can't help but feel like the third wheel. They are awesome and love me, and are Family just as much as any relative, yet I can't help but feel that they go out with me out of pity, because they feel bad for me. I can't help but feel jealous when they go home together and I go home alone.
Because of this feeling I have recently developed a new fear. That is that down the line, I will pass away and no one will notice. That I will be found a few weeks later when a neighbor calls the police because of the smell of my body that has been sitting there rotting. Sorry for the imagery but it is my fear and my blog and don't read it if you don't like it, not that anyone does anyway.
It took me years to dig myself out of a place where I just didn't care what happened in my life cause I didn't believe I was going to be around long enough to care, and I didn't care that I didn't care. But I clawed my way out of that, and started to turn my life around. I started exercising more, eating better, saving money, working on being ready to take over my own store at work when they need me to. But then I hit this! I mean I can't even get my closest and dearest friend to read this blog!
Now I still plan on doing those good things. I plan on out living everyone I know! But I can't escape this empty feeling in me. Just someone I can talk to for hours on end, tells me they love me, cuddles with me, and may even want to spend time with me. I want someone to tell me everything is worth it and it will all be okay!

Brothers in the hood!

I have a big family. My parents separated when I was young, and although at the time I am told I had problems with it, I feel it was one of the best things that happened for me. I have cousins, aunts and uncles, and grandparents that I never would have had without that divorce and more importantly the extra parents and and my sisters and brother. But my family didn't stop growing there.

I have more brothers then just the one my family gave me. I have two others that started as just friends but grew into that of my family, no matter what the world says. So much so are they my brothers that the one's girlfriend can't wait to call me her brother-in-law, her words.

And now I have a new friend, surprise he share the same first name as the other two brothers. He has never met me face to face, we talk on line and via text. He is the friend of my cousin's and was vouched for so at least we know he isn't some serial clown killer or something. But having never met me once in his life face to face, he wants me to be his big brother. Am I really that amazing or do I just attract a lot of crazies? Probably a mix of both.

Anyway, I have not accepted him as my little brother yet just on the grounds of do I really need yet another brother named Chris? Yes I probably do. Not because I need him but because more likely he needs me. I will most likely always be the big brother to people.

Big Brother... It is what I am. Well, I take other roles to, student, employee, son, cousin, and a few others. But big brother will most likely be the one I will be most remembered for in this life. And given that it is where my greatest joy comes from, the only joy I can ever truly count on, I am so happy for that. 

To all my younger siblings blood or not, and even my younger cousin that vouched for the new brother you count too, I will always be here for all of you! Even on my worse days, even when I have nothing left, I will be able to be there for you! Blood and last names do not make a family, loyalty and love do! And I will always be loyal to you and I will always love you!!!

Customer Stories 10

"Sharing a cup of tea with an interesting stranger is one of life's great pleasures!" ~ General Iroh
Let me start off by saying I am glad that this story ended up at number ten. Ten is a lucky number for me and it seems fitting that this story falls into it. This isn't one of my normal bash the moron story either. This is a good, heartfelt story.
She was my first sale of the day. It was late in the day and I was glad that she had bought from me. I was beginning to feel like the day was going to be a failure. But as luck would have it Merci walked in. Yes I know I put a name, well it is only her first name and she deserves it.
Anyway the good part of the story comes after the sale. She stayed for an hour after the sale had been completed and we talked. Merci is 57 years old, so get that thought out of your mind right now. Where was I? Oh right, we talked for an hour and she was really inspiring. She is a 57 year old women who raised three girls while working two jobs, and she just completed her APRN, which means she has a masters degree, she tutors at the hospital she works at her spare time, and she lost 26lbs so far on her new weight loss system.
And I found out all of this as she spent an hour telling me I could do anything. Lose weight, go back to school, whatever. That's right, she was encouraging me, a complete stranger, to better my self. How awesome is that? By the way I had actually started exercising, as I right this it is day 9 of exercising, not sure of weight loss yet but not focusing on that. Any who, as we talked I told her how great it was that she was a nurse, and that must be why I thought she awesome as two of my closest friends are in the medical field. I apparently gave a sad look as I said that cause she asked my what was wrong.
I should point out that the past couple weeks I have been doing some soul searching and been having some tough time mentally and spiritually. I am working through it, with help as no one can walk this world alone and succeed properly. But one of the things I discovered was my three closest friends, who where in no order a Geneticist, Hemo-dialisis technician working to be a full nurse, and a message therapist working to be a chiropractor, all in life changing fields and I had flunked out of college and was now an assistant manager/sales man for the store I'm at. Now don't get me wrong, I love my job, money isn't horrible and the bonus perks are great. But it doesn't fulfill me. So I told her this.
She asked me what I wanted to do. Honestly I would love to teach High School History. And I told her a story of my friend James. He is a teacher and he games with me and my friends. After games we usually go to Denny's or some other dinner to socialize, unwind and eat. I asked James how he was and he went on to complain about a coworker that had been taking joy at punishing her students. I turned to James and said, "What?? I thought a teacher's job was to teach?" He turned to me and said thank you and that I understood what it meant to teach students. When I finished tell Merci that she told me that James must be a good teacher and had to be a good friend as he knew me, I left out that my taste in friends took time to include good people like James.
Anyway I went on to tell her I understood that teaching was glamorous, or a ticket to quick cash, and that they have to put up with a lot but I still wanted to do that. She told me that she thought I would be a great teacher, one who would inspire kids and help them learn, not just make the grade. She told me that I shouldn't start at one of the big schools, but go to the local community college or online classes until I was ready to go to one of the major schools for the advanced degrees.
She then told me to take down her number. Told me to call her if I ever need help with home work or as a reference. She started talking like I was already enrolled and it felt good. When she left I told James what she had said about him and while I was doing that I began looking up online classes. If nothing else, I met a real interesting and inspiring person. But I am at a turning point in my life. And I can't wait to see how this story turns out. For the first time ever I can see a happy ending, twists turns, pain, and sorrow but happy in the end.
Thanks for reading. I am glad to have the followers I do and the people in my life who have been so wonderful, past and present.

Customer Stories 9

So I have another one for you! This one is kinda fun, but aren't all my stories? Anyway I digress, my story.
So the customer wasn't mine but I had to deal with the fun part. A woman had bought from us, but we didn't have it in stock so she had to wait for it to come in on the truck, it happens she understood. We gave her the estimated date for the trucks arrival. Key word people, estimated! I pointed out the word cause it is the key word here. Things happen beyond our control, truck drive gets sick or steals the truck (true story on both), the company we ordered from messed up the order... we messed up the order. Things happen.
Anyway the estimated date for the truck came, and the truck had been delayed by a day. So it wasn't coming. So The customer was called. She seemed to understand and we told her we would call her as soon as the truck did arrive and we would give her a couple of free pillows, she agreed. Yay! A customer that is understandable!
Well the customer was understandable, her mother not so much. Her mother called us a half hour later and I had the misfortune of answering the phone. I answered as I should for a business line, polite and willing to offer help. She started her side of the conversion with, "What the Hell? Why can't my daughter get her stuff?"
"Excuse me?" Baffled, not sarcastic that is important to clarify with me.
"My daughter ordered with you, told her she could get her stuff today and then called and said she couldn't. What kind of business are you running there?"
"Ma'am, as we already explained, the truck has been delayed."
"Well why can't she get her stuff?"
"Her stuff is on the truck, which has been delayed." Already my boss is shocked I still have my cool.
"Well then why would you tell her she could get her stuff today?"
"We didn't, we told her the truck is supposed to be here today. However it has been delayed and there is nothing we can do about that."
"Well no where is she going to sleep?"
"Where has she been sleeping this whole time?"Again no sarcasm.
"We threw that out!"
"Why she doesn't have the new one yet?"
"Cause you told her she was getting her stuff today so I had her throw out the old stuff!"
"So because you jumped the gun and tossed the old stuff, its my fault? Who tosses old stuff before replacing it? Could you explain that one to me?" Sarcasm in that one, big time. 
"This is some sort of scam! I am coming to get her money back."
"What? Why?"
"Cause we will take her business to a place that does what they say they will."
"Ma'am, we do. We apologized for the delay and your daughter seemed fine when we talked to her. In fact can I talk to her?"
"No, I'm coming for the money."
"No your not." The cool has left.
"Yes I am!" She yelled.
I didn't yell back, but I wanted to, "No your not. You can come but I am not giving you any money."
"So you're going to just plain steal from my baby?"
"No, if she wants her money back she can call us and we can work something out."
"Well then I'm coming for it."
"No your not, your name is not on the receipt so I refuse to give you the money."
She then proceeded to use many very vulgar words and my finger seemed to slip to the button where I hung up on her. I was after all in my right. She called back, yelling that I hung up on her and I said I wasn't going to be yelled at. She start swearing and screaming again and I hung up again. Phones are fun.
Half an hour later she called again. I politely answered the phone as I am supposed to. And she asked for me by name. I told her I was the one on the phone. She apologized for what she had screamed at me, and explained to me why. It seems she has that disorder where brain cells are missing and she only listened to every other word out of her daughter's mouth. She didn't hear the part where we had offered her free pillows for the inconvenience, or that fact that her daughter had agreed to it. She had heard, we are an evil business that is preventing her daughter from getting her stuff and holding her money hostage. My take on her words, not a quote.
Any way she apologized and I accepted it. As stupid as she is, she is a potential future customer. And she was, she had come in as a customer a few weeks later and I, being the professional and understanding business man made the other guy deal with her. Thanks for not reading!   

Monsters we have become....

Life is hard!
That needs to be said before I continue. I want it understood. Now!
Okay with that taken care of I will continue. I had a friend the other day, one who I would have never expected this from, scold me the other day for a post I shared on another friends Facebook page. Now for those of you that know me, I tease and poke at my friends all in good fun. Even the guy I posted on knew I was kidding. But I was scolded to make sure I wasn't becoming a bully.
So it is rant time again. This will take from other posts a bit because I feel it needs it. And to clarify I am not ranting at being called out, I am glad he did and explained to him it was in fun and all parties knew and thanked him for caring about people like he did.
First and foremost, bullying will not go away. The Nelsons and Biffs of the world won't go away because I ranted on my unread blog. But I hope it helps a little. And every little bit helps.
Now to the ranting. One thing that has to be said, it ends. There comes a time when it stops. You shouldn't have to wait, but it does.
Second, for those of you that are older and say its a way of life and it isn't as bad because when you were younger there was bullying, shut up! Understand, no one should ever be tortured for the the pleasure of another. That and it is different from the even when I was in school. Internet, cell phones, and touch pads make information flow faster and freer than ever. Bullying isn't just limited to the cool kids picking on the nerds anymore, its global! It needs to stop!
For those of you thinking that maybe this is because I have gay friends and I feel bad because of the higher suicide rates in teen LBGT kids, it is about more than that. Yes I do feel bad about all those needless deaths. An earlier post already talked on how pointless I feel taking ones own life is. I will repeat it now, You matter! Understand you are special no matter what.
But as I said its more than just that. Fat kids, mentally disabled, bookish, and all the other stereotypes. I hate stereotypes.... well okay I like them because it makes certain jokes that are needed in this world, mostly Blonde Jokes. But the singling out of someone because of something that is beyond their control, or hard for them to control is wrong.
I was recently told that the new thing is to use the anti bully campaign to bully. How does that happen? Using Anti Bullying to bully people? I'm told they use it to bully "bullies", "bullies" being people that disagree with them. Honestly? Really? Are we that dumb as a species? Thanks to the Steve who passed this along as I was writing this, you know which one you are. And I know like a hundred Steve's so he remains covert yet mentioned. 
I was bullied. Most of my life, by an older cousin, and a friend that changed my life, God rest his soul. It wasn't fun, still isn't. But this isn't about me cause I have the strength to carry on. This is about that fact that not everyone does. And before survival of the fittest gets thrown out their, how do you know that someone you bullied couldn't have invented a cure to some life ending virus or something, but now can't because they are to busy getting psychological help or on mind altering pills or have killed themselves? You don't! So shame on you! You screwed us asshole!
But the down side is it is easy to just find someone to bully. I have come close to becoming a bully on more than few occasions. And if you ever felt like I was a bully to you, I am sorry. I mean it I am so so sorry. I hope you can forgive what I have done to you but if you can't I accept and understand that too.
I am human, I have my faults, we all do. But to bully because of them? Come on, be better. You have the power to save a life instead of end one. I... I...
I just don't get it. I understand that sometimes it is easier to take your anger out on someone else, but easier isn't always right. If you are a bully and are because your own life sucks why? Nelson from the Simpsons is one of those and I don't get it? If your life is so bad and you are so full of anger, why would you want some one else to suffer like you do? Get help! Get out! Make the world a better place by making sure what happened to or is happening to you never happens again, don't keep the cycle going. As I started with Life is hard, but it is worth it if you let it. Don't make it worse by being part of the problem.
To end for those that are bullies, be better, be people, not the assholes you are. For those that are being bullied, get help and know it gets better. For those that were bullied and survived, help those that are still stuck. Remember people, we all matter. This planet is to small for every person on it not to impact it, be a good impact and stop the hate.

The Face of a Coward!

 Look at the picture in the profile spot. That is the face of a coward! And before you read any further, I swear that is my photo. I am, I am a coward.
 I am a lonely person. Oh, I pretend to be happy, and I am. Well I mean, I'm not depressed. That is better, I am not depressed. But still I pretend to be happy. I love my job, my games are fun, my friends and family are... well the ones I like are awesome if not a little insane. I have people who love and care for me but I still feel like I am missing something.
 I have my best friend, he gave up dating for awhile. But before that he was never really alone long. He always could get a girl who liked him, lucky bastard. Then he took a break for like a year, then he went back out there and like bam! He has a new girlfriend.
 My other best friend, well she is different. Oh no, she can get men ok. And their good guys too, mostly. But she is different. Although her and I never dated, I did fall for her. Never told her, never will. I am sure she knows, but I still can't tell her. And instead I feel into the friend circle with her, almost like a brother to her, I hope. But fall for her I did, I still have feelings for her, but she is happy with who she is with and that's enough for me. But she did become the standard, the girl all others are measured by.
 I have another friend too. Well I have lots of friends, but that not the point. He is gay, and I accidentally set him up with another of my friends. I hate setting people up cause when it ends bad I get blamed for it. Anyway they have been together for over a year now. They are happy and I am happy for them. But still I envy them too.
 Another of my friends is dealing with a bad break up. He is having a hard time moving on. I have been trying to help him through it, with little progress. He will move on, when he is ready, but I see how hurt he is, how he tries to mask his pain to others and I feel jealous that I never even felt that way when my one relationship ended.
 I don't go out much. To places to meet people I mean. And when I have, I shrink away into the corner and become quiet. I become a minnow in a pond praying I don't get noticed and eaten whole, which for a guy my size would take a while and be painful. How is it I can both fear and long for rejection?
 So I decided to try an online dating site! Ah the answer! Machines helping people like me meet others like me. And after ten minutes on the site, I had found some one I could like. Some one I wouldn't mind going out with and spending time and money on. Some one I could see me spending a lot of time with. She was online too, the site was going to allow me to talk with her right there, 'Hi how are you? I am Stephen Zaky, my friends just call me Zaky!' I closed out of the site without typing  a word. See coward!
 What is wrong with me??? Why am I like this? Am I only here to watch other be happy and help them stay that way? Do I run because I know there is something wrong with me and I just save them the trouble of finding out and running for the hills? Why am I asking questions when I know no one reads this?!?!?!?    

Customer Stories 8

So this guy and his girlfriend come in to buy from me.... well sorta. They came in to price check, but that's not the point... well actually it matters. Let me start again!
So this guy and his girlfriend came into the store to price check our products and compare against our competitors. That is common so I did what I always do, welcomed them and tried to sell to them. Its what I'm supposed to do.
Anyway the guy started the conversation with, "Yeah we're just looking. She wants me to get a new mattress. She says I need a new one cause of the divot in the middle of the mattress from where I sleep makes it uncomfortable for her. I don't know why, my I love my mattress."
"I won't sleep in it with him," she spoke out.
"Well there you go... The goal is for her to sleep with you, you need a new mattress." I thought this was going to be easy with that statement. I was wrong.
"But I've had my mattress for 19 years and it was handed down to me. I think its very comfortable!"
I pause, stunned at the age of his mattress. The most I have ever heard was 12 years, recommended time to get a new mattress is 10 years FYI. I honestly never heard someone holding on to a mattress that long.
"Dude, your like nine years over due for a new mattress!"
"That's what I told him."
My cell phone beeps a Zelda tone to let me know there is a text or Email waiting.
"I LOVE ZELDA!" he shouts.
"Cool me too, now are you looking for something firm or something soft to sleep on and what size?"
"What's your favorite Zelda game? I love Majora's Mask."
"Didn't care for Majora's, I liked A Link to the Past. Pillow top or no?"
"Why didn't you like Majora's Mask?"
"Honey he isn't here to talk video games, he wants to show you his mattresses."
"But didn't even want to come?"
This went on for over an hour. I would show him one mattress and then he would get distracted by something and want to talk about that for ten minutes. His girlfriend, who drove, was ready to leave him with me, I pleaded with her not to. After that hour another customer walked in. The girlfriend took this opportunity to grab the guy and leave.
Made me put up with his stupid conversations, and the Zelda one for over an hour. The girlfriend wants him, but not his mattress. And was all around annoying, and didn't buy a thing. All that and didn't buy a thing... well.
He came back the next day, without her. "She said I needed to buy a mattress today, and that if I didn't buy from you she would leave me. Something about me aggravating you for over an hour yesterday and not getting anything."
"Oh you didn't aggravate me..." I told him.
He ended up buying from me. I guess he liked her more than his 19 year old divot. I would have choose her too.
Well until next time not really reading this readers.....

Update and stuff!

    So I have a new job! I love it. Well its not new, I have been here sense November, but still. I work for Discount Mattress, as a 'everything' guy, technical title being Assistant Manager but I don't like titles as they can cloud judgement and interaction.
    Working here has been a great experience so far and I believe will only get better. It has draw backs, don't get me wrong, but the good far out weighs the bad. The bad being lifting a heavy mattress once in awhile and that is a great trade off for more money, and better environment then my last job. So all and all a mostly happier me.
    I also write this on my new laptop, something I couldn't afford at my last place of employment. For those of you who know where that was ok, for those that don't I am sorry but they are petty and corrupt and I wish to give them no reason to come after me so they remain nameless here. Though I don't recommend going to them, they have no idea how to talk to people.
    Anyway, this isn't about them. Its about me and my better life. In addition to the laptop I am also saving money for a car. Now I know I have been saying that for along time now, but this time its true. There is money being piled into an account for a car. Not a lot mind you, but a start. So now I only have to get over my fear of driving.
     What else? What else? Oh, I have a good friend from out of town coming to visit, so there should be story updates there. Go awesomeness there. I am a little worried at his coming though. He was part of an older circle of friends that fell apart, although I am still friends with him, I don't want to see the rest of them and knowing him he will try to get us all to hang out again.
     I am running a game again. Table top.... DC Comics based. Its fun and been going on for a few months now. So that's cool. But like all games I run, I wish I could play. I would let slip some plot, but I don't want there to be a place for them to find it so sorry. Yes I know no one reads this but still, just in case.
      Other than that nothing new. So until next time. Keep reading.

A Change!

So I apologize to my readers (I know there really isn't anyone reading, but its nice to pretend) for taking so long from last update. There were technical difficulties, in that I had no way to post for a while. Now I'm back and ready to post.
Some changes from my last update. I have a new job now, and I have better customer interaction now so new Customer Stories soon. Also, less stress so happier posts too.
I have also increased my social circle some, so I may have stories of friends to share. But all such stories are subject to their approval, as I wish to upset them as little as possible.
So a new update is around the corner. Stay tuned!