Forgetting How To Fly

Ever feel just lost? Like the path you are on turned and you missed it and now you can't find your way back to it? That's how I feel a lot of the time, especially lately.
Between everything thing that's happening to me and the fact I never really felt like I fit in anywhere to begin with, I have felt lost for a very long time. My path has been unfindable and every day I am farther away from it. I'm not wandering, I am lost.
There have been goods though. Others have found me and let me follow them on their paths. My brothers have made sure I stay in their sights as I go. My nephews make the travel seem not so gloomy. And others just let me follow their smoother paths for a bit without roughness in the dark.
But over the years, however, it has become harder and harder. My ability to join others has become less and less as my anxiety keeps me mostly shut up in my apartment these days. And my brothers, who still look out for me, Chris and Chris, are becoming harder for me to see through the darkness. They still see me, they still have my back. But from my view the lights are getting darker and harder to see.
My nephews at this point are my only true source of honest joy. Sure I love my friends, yeah visitors are always welcome, I even host a game weekly and its fun. But real happiness has been lost. Only with my nephews do I truly feel happy without it being me just lying to myself.
I am lost. But before I am lost without hope of ever finding my way back I have reached out for help. After years of medication being just barely helpful I am going to start therapy to also help. I am hoping that with time and this new combo I will be able to be happy again.
I know this sounds like a previous post but the counseling I had received before wasn't as effective as we had hoped. That and it was through a student program at a local college psych department. The new therapist is licensed and referred by my doctor.