Just A Thought On Family

I spent the day with my brother and nephew and later on my sister-in-law too who is awesome. My nephew Rory is an awesome two year old, he is smart, goofy, definitely the son of both his parents. And he loves his Uncle Zaky a lot.
Right before Rory was put down for bed my brother said something that bothered me a little. He said he saw some traits in his son that reminded him of his own struggles, concerned that Rory would also struggle.
I knew what he meant as I have suffered my own struggles and hell and I wouldn't wish it on anyone, especially Rory. I love him to much to see him go through what me or my brother have gone through.
That said, I don't see Rory following the same struggles his father went through or mine, though it is less likely he would be that much like me given the amazingness that are his parents.
For starters, as I said already, his parents are great. And because of that they know what to look out for him to keep him away from the struggles they have and had experienced. Also he has something none of us had, me as an uncle.
That said I do not expect Rory to be sheltered away. He will still have struggles of his own, everyone does. But I hope his father knows that he can and will lead Rory down a good path. There isn't a perfect path, but it doesn't have to be a dark one.
I love my Little Centurion, he loves his Uncle Zaky. And I love my brother and his wife. And I hope they know how proud I am of them for how they are raising such a smart amazing boy.

The Rules of Zaky

I have been watching NCIS and am reminded that like Gibbs I came up with a list of rules. Unlike Gibbs I only have one Rule 1 and I don't force others to follow them. I wouldn't mind if you borrowed them if you make your list of rules.

So here they are:

Rule #1 Never betray your True Family.

Rule #2 You do what you have to for Family.

Rule #3 Never be unreachable.

Rule #4 The best way to keep a secret? Keep it to yourself.Second best? Tell one other person - if you must.There is no third best.

Rule #5 Always try diplomacy first, then if that fails do what you have to.

Rule #6 Don't waste good.

Rule #7 Always be specific when you lie.

Rule #8 Never take anything for granted.

Rule #9 A good host offers drinks, or at least warns the company of the drink shortage before their arrival.

Rule #10 Never split the party.

Rule #11 When the game is done, walk away.

Rule #12 Your game, your rules! The DM/GM/ST is always right.

Rule #13 Never interrupt Zaky while he is watching new Doctor Who.

Rule #14 Bend the line, don't break it.

Rule #15 If someone has the upper hand... Break it.

Rule #16 If you think someone has stacked the deck against you, they probably have.

Rule #17 Everything happens for a reason.

Rule #18 Trust your Brother!

Rule #19 Wikipedia can be wrong, and often is.

Rule #20 Never screw over your closest friend, they are the one that will always be there to bail you out.

Rule #21 Never buy game dice for someone else's love.

Rule #22 Follow the law, but don't trust the officers enforcing it blindly.

Rule #23 Don't talk about "Fight Club".

Rule #24 Always keep track of friends that you lose track of time with.

Rule #25 Carrying a knife and a pen is always a good idea.

Rule #26 You're only in trouble if you get caught.

Rule #27 You can tell a lot about someone by the Hogwarts House they claim to be in.

Rule #28 Never waste guilt over someone else's sins.

Rule #29 Teasing someone is fine, bullying isn't.

Rule #30 Don't mess with Dragons, because you're crunchy and tasty.

Rule #31 Every RPG game will make pop culture jokes, enjoy it.

Rule #32 Drama is for TV and books, leave it out of the game.

Rule #33 Be careful of the name you tell to others and be careful of the names you give others. Names have power.

Rule #34 Take every blessing you get, protect the happy, and understand the day will end and the sun will rise.

Rule #35 Never be afraid to tell your friends when they are being played by the people they are dating.

Rule #36 The customer isn't always right, in fact they are usually wrong.

Rule #37 Its better to have a customer than a dollar.

Rule #38 When your friend's relatives ask why you weren't at the last family function, they aren't your friend's relatives anymore, they're your family too.

Rule #39 There is never a reason to not give a hug.

Rule #40 Humor is always a good way to help a friend in need.

Rule #41 Between a night with a good friend and a night alone, always choose the friend. Sadness fades when good friends are around.

Rule #42 42 is the answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe, and everything.

Rule #43 Know which battles to fight, which to flee, and which to never start.

Rule #44 When in trouble, get the women and children out first.

Rule #45 Clean up your own mess.

Rule #46 You aren't always right, but you don't need to let others know that.

Rule #47 Have a code word with your closest friends and family for when you are in danger. Mine is simply "Rule 47."

Rule #48 Never be ashamed to ask for help, you are human and your strength can give out.

Rule #49 Never be afraid to learn something new, only be afraid of the day you stop learning.

Rule #50 You are not your character, if you can't keep them separate it's time to stop playing.

Rule #51 You are never to old to play games or with toys.

Rule #52 Nothing is impossible only highly improbable.

The Brothers' Plight.

Once upon a... No that isn't right. It was a dark and stormy... No that's not right either. The beginning of any story is always the hardest part. So many tales to tell that never get told just because I don't know how to start it off. Still I will give it a shot.
Once there were two brothers that loved each other very much. When the younger one got married, the older brother celebrated at his side. When the older brother became a student of the King's advisor the younger threw a party in his honor.
One day the King died and the Prince took over the kingdom. He replaced his father's court with his own people, and the older brother was named the new King's personal advisor. The older brother went to visit his younger brother to inform him of the news.
Arriving at the village he found it seemed neglected and run down. He went to his brother's home and knocked on the door. His sister-in-law answered the door and she was in tears at the sight of the older brother, hugging him.
After getting settled in and hugging his nephew, the older brother sat with his sister-in-law and asked where his brother was and what had happened to the village. She explained that over the last few years the old King had been increasing taxes while removing more of the guards. Because of this a group of thieves and criminals began targeting the village and just last night they had taken his brother as a slave because he was strong and had tried to protect her from them.
The older brother listened to the story and said that as the personal advisor to the new King he was sent with guards and he would find his brother. With that he left the home and went to his guards. He explained what had happened to them and they agreed to help him find his brother, if only because they were charged with protecting the advisor. And soon they set out to find the criminals and his brother.
They set out through the woods and after a while of walking, they found the camp. After surveying the camp the advisor came up with a plan. When the guards agreed the plan was sound they began it.
The advisor walked into the camp and called for the attention of the criminals. He informed them who he was and that if they did not release their captives and leave the village alone that they would regret it. They laughed at him until he drew his sword. One stepped forward to attack the advisor and a bolt from a crossbow pierced went through his head.
The advisor smirk as another in the crowd dropped. Then his one guard appeared behind the them and before they saw him he dropped three more. The one who appeared as the leader asked how could a couple of royal guards could work so efficiently. The advisor looked at the leader and frowned before explaining that he didn't use royal guards, but hired his guards from trained spies and mercenaries as they were a little more versatile with their the defense abilities.
The leader looked at his people and then agreed to the terms. The captives were released and the advisor looked for his brother among them. He soon found his brother, being carried by others, alive but badly beaten and injured. The advisor lead the villagers out of the woods while his guards made sure they weren't followed.
Arriving back at the village, the advisor ordered the entire populace to pack up and follow them back to the King's castle. They didn't like it but agreed out of fear. Before nightfall they headed out.
A few days later they arrived at the castle and the advisor called for the best healers for his brother and the others that had been hurt. As soon as the advisor knew his brother was in their good care he went to the King. He needed answers and action.
The advisor explained to the King all that he had seen, what had happened to his brother and concluded that this must have happened to many different villages as well. The King was horrified by what his father had done. The advisor however explained that he believed his father was unaware that it had gotten so bad and had been mislead. The King nodded, glad to hear it was possible that his father hadn't been a bad ruler.
The advisor suggested that the King send the guards back to the villages and lower the taxes. The King called for the head of the guard and his head of his counters. The counter was confused as the kingdom's coffers weren't accepting increased tax funds.
The advisor frowned and excused himself. He left the keep and headed to the home of his old mentor, the advisor to the previous king. He didn't knock, he just burst in and glared at his former teacher. He told him he knew that he had taken the extra tax money, that he had removed the guards.
The mentor denied it. But the advisor said he recognized the criminal leader as his mentor's nephew. The mentor laughed and said he had no proof, and as a former court official with his wealth no one could touch him. The advisor pulled out a dagger and stabbed his former mentor and whispered to him that he may have been right if his brother hadn't been hurt. He then left his mentor to die alone from the wound.
The advisor then went to his brother. The healer was talking with his sister-in-law so before he went in picked up his nephew and gave a big hug. The healer then left and he went to his brother's side. She explained that the healers have done all they can and it was now up to him if he would be alright or not. The older brother then leaned into his brother's ear and whispered in it. The younger brother opened his eyes and smiled at his brother before weakly punching him.
The King then entered and looked at his advisor and the wounded brother and frowned. He apologized that this had happened and said that the tax money had been found in the previous advisor's home and that the old man had been killed. The King looked at the current advisor and knew instantly knew what had happened but said nothing more on that. The money was going to be returned to the villages and they were going to be rebuilt and the guards returned.
The older brother had one last request for the King, that his brother and family be allowed to stay at the castle as he couldn't bare to be away from his brother any longer. The younger brother said that wasn't necessary and it would be improper to put the King out like that. The King laughed and said that if the younger brother wouldn't accept his older brother's offer, he would make it a royal decree. In addition, the King made the older brother his new Regent Minister, the Lord of his Court and second only to the Royal Family.
So the criminals were rounded up and thrown into the deepest dungeons at the new Regent Minister's order. The younger brother and his family moved to the castle and the younger brother became an advisor to the King and Court on the affairs of the common man and the villages. The Regent Minister, with the King's approval, made an elite squad dedicated to making sure no member of the Court could do what the previous advisor had done.
Brotherhood is a powerful bond. They don't even have to be by blood for that bond to exist, brothers in arms, frat brothers, best friends that call each other's parents mom and dad. My brothers mean the world to me and would do anything for them. I dedicate this tale for them and love them with all my heart.
On behalf of one of my brothers, check out his writing at Somecollege.

Forgetting How To Fly

Ever feel just lost? Like the path you are on turned and you missed it and now you can't find your way back to it? That's how I feel a lot of the time, especially lately.
Between everything thing that's happening to me and the fact I never really felt like I fit in anywhere to begin with, I have felt lost for a very long time. My path has been unfindable and every day I am farther away from it. I'm not wandering, I am lost.
There have been goods though. Others have found me and let me follow them on their paths. My brothers have made sure I stay in their sights as I go. My nephews make the travel seem not so gloomy. And others just let me follow their smoother paths for a bit without roughness in the dark.
But over the years, however, it has become harder and harder. My ability to join others has become less and less as my anxiety keeps me mostly shut up in my apartment these days. And my brothers, who still look out for me, Chris and Chris, are becoming harder for me to see through the darkness. They still see me, they still have my back. But from my view the lights are getting darker and harder to see.
My nephews at this point are my only true source of honest joy. Sure I love my friends, yeah visitors are always welcome, I even host a game weekly and its fun. But real happiness has been lost. Only with my nephews do I truly feel happy without it being me just lying to myself.
I am lost. But before I am lost without hope of ever finding my way back I have reached out for help. After years of medication being just barely helpful I am going to start therapy to also help. I am hoping that with time and this new combo I will be able to be happy again.
I know this sounds like a previous post but the counseling I had received before wasn't as effective as we had hoped. That and it was through a student program at a local college psych department. The new therapist is licensed and referred by my doctor.

The Greater Duty.

The doors opened and the young man entered the large round chamber. It was ornately decorated in violet silks and gold. Above the floor along the round walls were gallery seat for the court of lords, which was filled. Directly across the doors set up on a stair-pyramid style podium sat a large chair made out of gold and heavily cushioned.
In the throne sat a tall thin man, the Imperius of the Empire, covered in decorated robes of silk. Next to him stood an older man in nice robes as well, though plainer than the Imperius's, he was the Advicator to the Imperius.
The young man, well dressed in fine armor and a silk cape with a sword sheathed at his side, marched across the chamber towards the Imperius. Stopping at the bottom at the throne's stand, he knelt on one knee before his sovereign.
"Imperius, the battle went well. Your armies were victorious."
The Imperius looked down at the young man, his face expressionless, "you have done well in leading my forces. Truly an asset to the Empire."
"You were right, Imperius, attacking the our neighbor was well worth the loses we suffered."
The Advicator looked at the young man and frowned. The Advicator has known the him since the young man was born. The young man confided in the Advicator, even called him his Uncle. The Advicator knew that before the battle the young man had reservations about attacking a neighbor that had been an ally for generations.
The Imperius smiled and stood, which caused the court to also rise. He walked to the young man and bid him rise. When the young man was on his feet, the Imperius embraced him a hug.
"I am proud of you my son. When I die you shall be a fine successor. Let all know on this day, I officially name you Imperius Heir."
The young man looked the Imperius in eyes. The young man had a look of sorrow in eyes. "Father, as you have named me as such I now have grave news for you."
The Advicator looked between the two royals before him. He was worried about what was to come next. The Advicator looked saddened by what he saw.
"Father, you have named me successor. By the authority of that claim and the power of my birth right, I find you guilty of treason to your subjects and negligent of your crown."
The Imperius frowned and glared at his child before him, "you dare say I am guilty of treason? Speaking to me as such?"
"You tried to plunge the realm into war. Waste the lives of your soldiers and people just to attack a friend over land."
"I had you attack them so that our Empire will be stronger. So we can be richer. So we can be great."
"Except I mislead you, the army never attacked. I did not allow the generals to engage, to protect my troops and my people."
"THEY ARE MY PEOPLE!" The Imperius roared at his son.
"Not anymore, Father." The young man drew his sword and before the court ran the Imperius through.
The court erupted in chaos with that action. The lords were used to the Imperius and his son not seeing eye to eye and arguing. But in the Empire's history, no Heir had ever killed the Imperius, for it would be patricide, at least not openly.
The young man whispered in the Imperius's ear as the sovereign slumped to his knees dying. It wasn't heard over the roar if the lords, but the Advicator knew what the words were. The young man looked over to the Advicator, tears in his eyes.
The Advicator frowned then stepped out to the center of the chamber. He looked up at the lords that were in uproar.
With a voice that boomed over the noise as if by magic the Advicator shouted just one word, "SILENCE!"
Instantly the court went quiet. They looked at the Advicator stunned. They didn't know what to expect.
"Let the Heir speak."
The young man looked up, his eyes red with tears. He let his gaze meet the Advicator's, who nodded for the young man to speak. After a moment the young man was able to compose himself.
"My lords, I loved my father. He was a good father. However, he had lost perspective as Imperius. I disregarded his orders to attack our ally, as it would be to costly in both lives and resources. The Imperius is sovereign, but is nothing without his people. The war would have left us with nothing." The young man sighed and looked at the now corpse of his father. Another tear fell from his eye. "I loved my father. But as the Imperius Heir, I had a duty to our people above all else."
The Advicator looked at the lords then to the young man. He then looked at the body of the Imperius. "My lords, the Imperius is dead, long may the Imperius reign."
The lords were stood there in stunned silence at the events before them. Then after a moment one of the lords shouted, "long may he reign!" After the other lords also joined in the shout, as a show of support of the new Imperius.
The Advicator swept to the doors of the chamber and called for staff to remove the deceased Imperius. He then returned to the new Imperius. He walked up and kneeled before his new sovereign.
The young man looked down and tried to make the Advicator stand back up. "Uncle, do not bow to me. You are family and family will not kneel to me."
The Advicator looked up and shook his head. "I am your Advicator, the head of your court and voice in your ear. It is my duty to acknowledge you for your station."
"That will change. I will not rule based on what is right for me. I am the Imperius of my people, our people. We will listen to the needs of the Empire and we will acknowledge that change is needed."
The lords looked stunned. The were the leaders of the people, but never before were the needs of those people regarded. This was new to them.
The Advicator looked at the Imperius and beamed with pride. He knew that this young man meant what he said. This was a new day for the Empire.
And so it was that a son wept for his father. A realm changed its views of it own people. And the Empire was prosperous for it.

One more thing...

So it is that for over two years now I have been an uncle to some amazing nephews. And I feel that although not one of them is a biological relation they are 100% my nephews. I love them all.
Aiden was the first one born, two years ago. Sadly I have not yet had the pleasure of meeting him as he is in Kentucky. But I have seen him in the pictures his wonderful parents post on Facebook and in the game streaming his father does. He seems to be a joy filled kid, and if he is anything like his parents he will be a fun and funny kid too.
Next is Rory. He was born a few weeks after Aiden, and he scared the hell out of us because it was about two months to early. However my Little Centurion not only pulled through but he is just amazing. I have met him, and if his father is to be believed, I have made a lasting impression on him. He knows me and loves playing with me. He loves showing me everything that he is interested in at that moment.
Next is Emry, and he is only six months old now. But he is a very happy baby. He apparently loves the dragon stuffed animal I bought him for Christmas this past year, which makes me very happy.
Those are my nephews. And I love gushing about them. So naturally they get a whole post just for them. They are my three heroes, a reason to make sure I have a reason to keep going. I am not their godfather but I am their uncle and I love them with all my heart

Been a while

I am back after years and years of forgetting this blog exists. Sorry everyone. My life has been complicated.
So I am an Uncle three times over. Aiden, Rory, and Emry. I love them all. I own a kitten now named Shazam who is in love with me.
I have been struggling greatly with health, financial, and general life issues. However as I write this I must state that I have lost 165lbs with surgical help. My accomplishments there and my nephews are great joys however are shadowed by my diagnosed Major Depression and Anxiety.
I plan on writing on here more. In the mean time I suggest you check out somecollege.net and support my brother's writings.